


Do You Indicate To The Satellites Passing By The Edge?

by TheOtherBookwormFanperson



Series: Domestic Trans Gorillaz Babey!! [2]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Breakfast, Coming Out, Fun Fact Everyone In Gorillaz Is Trans It's Official, Gen, Murdoc Is In Jail Still But He's Trans But He's Not Here Guys Sorry, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Transitioning, Tranz, idk what to tag this, lowkey vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 04:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOtherBookwormFanperson/pseuds/TheOtherBookwormFanperson
Summary: It's been a good run, Ace reflects. Good times with this band. But his suitcase is packed and his calendar has run out of days, and it's time to get ready to move on before he gets too attached. Because once he comes out, he'll have to leave and start over again. Just like always. Right?





	Do You Indicate To The Satellites Passing By The Edge?

**Author's Note:**

> So this kind of turned into a bit of a projection fic!! I wasn't quite sure how to end it so it's a little short and weird, but I hope you guys like reading this as much as I liked writing it!!

Ace takes a deep breath.

He's been awake for half an hour now, but still hasn't gotten dressed. It's his last day here, and he intends to savor it a little bit.

It's been a good run. This summer has been full of good times. He's loved getting to know this band, acting like he's part of it, performing and filming and living with them.

And that's the thing. This summer has been all about Gorillaz. When he thinks about his life recently, what comes to mind is practice sessions, music videos, sitting for visualizer art, all with these three people. Somehow, without his noticing, his life began revolving around the fact that he lived with and was part of world-famous band Gorillaz.

He realized, recently, that if he waited much longer, it would be too hard to uproot himself and start somewhere else in a new gang or go back to Townsville. He's spent too long in one place, and he's almost grown too attached to this little family to move on, if he needed to. And he probably will need to today.

Finally, he checks the time and decides it's getting late enough to get dressed.

He puts on a pair of jeans and socks first, and a pair of shoes. Not fancy, shiny, new show heels to perform in. Regular walking shoes, just new enough to be able to walk for a day straight if needed but old enough to be worn in and comfortable.

And then he digs around in the back of the closet in this room they've given him, and he pulls out his binder. He struggles with it for a couple of minutes before getting it mostly on in the right place. He goes to the mirror.

Ace stares at his reflection, hoping today he can desensitize himself to the sight of this body that's soft in all the wrong places. Just like every day for the last 20 years, his efforts are fruitless.

He sighs and adjusts the binder, tugging it down at the side and pushing around the contents, twisting around to check the back. After 7 full turns, he gives up on that too, accepting that this is the best he'll get today. It's not like it matters anyway. It'd be nice to pass stealth today, but the whole point is kinda that he doesn't, right?

But he has to admit, after the addition of a loose t-shirt and his letterman jacket, it's not too bad. He'd pass to a stranger, and that's what'll be really important later on. After all, he'll be finding himself a new gang.

He wishes he could wear his leather jacket, the one he wore in the music video way back when he was first new to the band, for a certain type of symmetry today, but the letterman is warmer. Besides, he already picked out the clothes for today last night and packed the rest in his suitcase.

Alongside the clothes, he'd packed the show heels, several photos, interview notes, and everything else that had accumulated in this room while he'd stayed here in the spirit house. Now he drags the suitcase out from under the bed and drops it with a thump on top of it. He checks yet again that the window is openable. He doesn't think he'll have to defenestrate himself today, but one never knows.

His phone in one pocket and his switchblade in the other are familiar, comforting weights as he descends the stairs.

Out of habit, he makes a beeline for the coffee machine, even though he already has all the nervous energy he's going to need today. His mind convinces him that he can feel stares uncomfortably on his back, but when he turns around to get a spoon and subtly check, no one's paying him any mind.

2-D is sipping out of a mug, sitting on one leg folded under him with the other one hooked around the side of the chair. He's listening to Noodle talk about something, presumably her latest crush, and there's an unscrewed prescription bottle by his elbow.

Noodle's back is to him, sitting cross-legged on the kitchen island and holding a pair of chopsticks in one hand and a bowl of something in the other. She's gesturing with the chopstick hand as she details today's topic of choice.

Russel is checking something on his phone, from which music is playing that's too quiet for Ace to make out the words. From the rhythm of the bass and drums, though, it's probably Another One Bites The Dust or something. In front of Russel is a bowl of what's either cereal or leftover pasta from last night.

Ace adds an ice cube to his cup of coffee and a spoonful of sugar and makes his way to the table. "Good morning." He winces internally. It's too early in the morning to account for his voice, which he forgot goes higher with stress. Luckily no one seems to notice anything out of the ordinary.

"Hi, Ace!" Noodle says, waving with her chopstick hand. She's forgotten that she's got something in them, though, and accidentally drops- shredded cheese?- all over the floor. "Ah, fuck." She puts down her bowl and chopsticks and slides off the counter to pick up the cheese, but starts making a tortured face. "Fuck, fuck, my leg. It's asleep. Shit." She continues cursing quietly and gently shaking out her leg in the background.

"Mor'ng," 2-D mutters quietly over his cold tea. Ace has learned he's really not a morning person, and just nods in acknowledgement.

"Hey, Ace, morning," Russel says. "Check this out." He leans toward him to show him a meme on his phone. It's a deeply fried image of God.

"What? I-?" Ace struggles for words. Upon closer inspection, God turns out to be a Roblox avatar saying "Tell ISIS My Pee Pee HARD". With nothing else in his vocabulary to describe his existence at this moment, he simply starts to laugh out of fear and confusion and says, "Can I?? Can I get a freakin' waffle??"

"I know, man," Russel says, going back to his scrolling. Ace absentmindedly stirs his coffee and calculates some times.

He has a contact who he'd gotten 13 bottles of bright pink spray-paint and about 4.7 pounds of Tostito's Original Tortilla Chips from last year (long story) and the guy had mentioned a motel that didn't ask many questions or for much ID. The motel was vaguely near the Spirit House, but far enough away that he could throw followers off his trail. He planned to weave around the city nearby for about an hour after leaving, then heading to a bus stop fairly out of the way. On foot, the motel was about 13 hours away, but the bus stop shaved off 4 hours from that. If he wanted to check in by midnight, he'd have to leave before 1 PM. Which was in about 3 hours, so he'd better get on with it.

He doesn't want to wait until the last possible moment to come out. He's done that before, with a gang who'd been so friendly while he was stealth, he'd stayed late out of a hope that they'd accept him. The hope turned out to be misguided, and he'd had to sleep in an alley miles from the gang's HQ. It felt like coming home, provided that your home was an uncomfortable shithole in the middle of nowhere and you were coming home from a luxury airplane trip. The cold and rough pavement was as familiar as always.

Well, he's not particularly eager to come home this time. Motels weren't exactly the hotel nights he'd been having with the band, but they were still better than sleeping on a cardboard box.

With his deadline in mind, he comes back to the current moment and realizes his coffee is going cold. He starts actually drinking it now, listening to Noodle, who's started back on her explanation of why, exactly, this stranger she saw checking out at their last hotel night on tour was The One.

"-eyes shone, genuinely shone! It's like there was a literal star inside her, shining out. And she actually _looked_ at me for a second, and I think she winked, but I don't know for sure because the lights were really bright behind her, but she looked so friendly and sweet, and her voice!-" Noodle fake-swoons, hand over her heart. As she continues talking, Ace becomes suddenly acutely aware of how fast time is passing. He now has two and a half hours to come out and get going.

When Noodle comes to a lull in her speech and sighs dreamily, Ace takes the opportunity to get the ball rolling.

"Uh, guys? I... have something I need to.. tell you."

Coming out is stressful. He suddenly wishes he didn't drink the coffee after all, because it's making his already-fast nervous heart rate practically double.

"What's up, Ace?" Noodle asks, snagging a couple of pieces of shredded cheese out of her bowl.

"Everything okay? You seem _really_ stressed, dude," Russ adds, turning off his phone. 2-D nods in agreement, screwing closed the pill bottle that's been left open all morning.

Ace takes a deep breath.

He shrugs off his letterman jacket, leaving the sleeves right-way-out for easy access.

"So... you guys know me as, well, Ace, but... that wasn't always me. I've changed a lot in the past 20 years. I've always felt uncomfortable in this body, and I've been hiding something big from you guys." He sighs, not looking anyone in the eye as he pulls off his shirt, revealing his binder.

He waits for the inevitable, "What's that?" that always comes when he comes out. When it doesn't come, he starts explaining himself anyway. "This is a binder. It's for making my chest flat. Which I need, because I was... born in the wrong-"

"Ace, dude. Put your freaking shirt back on and chill out. You're shaking." He looks up, surprised at being interrupted, and sees 2-D talking to him, Noodle politely looking at the ceiling and Russel with his fingers steepled, staring straight ahead.

"Wha-? D, I'm trying to come out here. Don't you understand? I was born as-"

"As what, Ace?" 2-D demands, although his tired eyes lessen the force of his words. "As your own self, that's what. And so was I. And Noodle, and Russ, and Mudz."

Ace won't let himself understand for a minute. "What the hell are you talking about? I-"

"Ace, man. You need to chill and listen to D," Russel sighs, still staring straight ahead over 2-D's shoulder. "But first, can you just put your shirt back on? It's goddamn cold in the mornings here. The heating doesn't work, remember?"

"Well, yeah, but-" he tries to explain again.

"No buts, dude. Put your shirt on and we can talk. The ceiling is nowhere near interesting enough for Noodle to stare at all day, alright?"

Lost for words, Ace confusedly puts his shirt back on and slowly shrugs his jacket on over his shoulders.

Noodle looks back down and cricks her neck to each side, rolling it around her shoulders. "Thank God. I was getting so stiff over here. Let's go to the common room upstairs to talk more, okay? It's warmer."

"Oh- Okay," Ace agrees, putting his coffee cup in the sink before following the others upstairs. He slides his hand into his pocket, wondering if he's gonna need his knife for this conversation.

Once they're all upstairs, 2-D sitting on his other leg now and wincing as the first one's knee untwists, Noodle sitting on the back of her chair, and Russel half-lying sideways with his legs hooked over the arm, Ace sits down stiffly, unsure, before folding one leg over his knee and leaning a little forward over it. He's in the chair nearest to the door, just in case.

"I'm still really lost, guys," he tells them. "I mean, I'm just trying to come out as a transsexual guy, like, a boy in a girl's body and stuff-"

"No, yeah, we got that down, dude," Russel says. "Let me guess, the only transgender person you've ever met before was yourself? And everything else you know from, like, movies and Caitlyn Jenner and stuff?"

"I mean, yeah." He's still not sure what's going on.

2-D starts laughing a little. It's not mean-spirited or mocking, it's just out of an absurd situation that no one was expecting. "Ace! Ace, pal. We're literally all trans here."

Ace doesn't say anything for a minute.

He doesn't have a planned routine for this.

He never expected this.

He has no idea how to respond.

"What?"

Noodle tumbles backward off her chair, rolling a little and standing up just before hitting the wall. "What?" she mimics him jokingly. She comes over to him and crouches down a little, looking him directly in the eye. "Ace Copular, you greasy-haired, talented dumbass. Literally every single person in this room... is trans."

Ace searches her face for a trace of a lie, a joke. She quirks up the side of her mouth with a shrug. "Yep."

He looks to the others, wondering if this is a huge practical joke they're springing on him. "So... seriously?"

"Uh, yeah," Russel says, raising his eyebrows. "It's just like that sometimes."

"Mm-hmm!" 2-D agrees, pulling up his other leg to re-cuff his mom jeans.

"Wait, you're all... like me?" Ace asks yet again.

"Duh!" Noodle says, going back to her chair.

"2-D? You... used to be a...?"

"No, I've always been a man," 2-D shrugs, massaging his temple a little bit. "Just had to modify the flesh bag I occupy a bit to feel more comfortable. I'm still on the wait list for starting T, though. Honestly, I'm not sure how the fans'll take the voice change, but that's still a while away. No need to worry right now."

"T?" Ace asks, confused.

"Good lord, you've really never been around actual trans people before, huh? It stands for tess- _toss_ -ta-rone," 2-D says slowly, making sure to get the syllables in the right order. "It makes you go through male puberty 'n stuff. Makes you break out something horrible, apparently, but it gets your voice right and changes your body shape 'n stuff. I wouldn't know firsthand, though, you'd have to ask Russ about that."

Ace turns to Russel, eyes wide. He would never have thought the man had actually looked and felt like him. "Really?"

"Uh-huh. I started a couple'a years before the band, so I still had some issues with the whole acne thing but it was livable. I was real lucky in the voice department, it's not always gonna change your voice so I was a little worried about that but as you can tell it worked out." Russel laughed a little. "It did some other stuff, I don't remember everything, but if y're planning to get on it then a doctor should be able to tell you all of it. The T wasn't as bad as the blockers, though."

"Blockers?" Ace hasn't heard of anything like that from his limited experience of the T in LGBT.

"Hormone blockers? I was on 'em for a bit less than 15 years before T. It might've been just me, but they gave me the worst heat flashes. Basically what they do is stop your body from having your normal puberty, so I was this tiny 5'2 kid all through middle and high school. But since your body stops giving you periods, it thinks you're having menopause or some shit, so you get the whole 50-year-old-lady package, including the absolutely shit heat flashes." Russel makes a vaguely pained face thinking about them. "Luckily I got on T eventually and was able to stop taking blockers."

Ace's mouth is slightly open in awe, hearing about other people transition. He stares at Russel, taking in his story. Eventually he gets his brain together enough to say, "That's... so cool."

"Yeah, I guess, man," Russel shrugs. "It's just life. Us trans dudes are really out here existin' and shit. It's wild."

"It seriously is!" Ace says. He turns to Noodle, who's started chewing a piece of gum. "So... you too?"

She pops a bubble the size of her face. "Mm-hmm. Assigned Minecrafter™️©️®️ at birth. I'm on the wait lists for everything- blockers, hormones, surgery, the lot. I haven't really done anything except social stuff yet, y'know? It's okay, I know I've got time. It's hard to wait sometimes, though. Time is really out here existing and going by and stuff."

Ace sits back in his chair, looking between his bandmates.

To think he started today packing his stuff and thinking about how to escape through the window. Now it's long past the deadline he'd have had to catch the bus by, but he doesn't need it anymore. It's strange to think this little family he's accidentally become part of has been like him this entire time.

He smiles a small smile. Today has been the opposite of what he prepared for, and for once, he's glad of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed!! Comment what you think down below!!


End file.
